Changing Realities of Relationship Structure and Marriage in the Modern World.


The world is rapidly changing. Men needs to change too. They need to change their customs and thoughts process to accommodate the changing realities and circumstances for and of women. Currently, it is a normal occurrence in both the developing and the developed world to see women increasingly becoming financially independent than men.

This is something that men may be afraid of. Unfortunately, there is nothing men can do to stop this trend. The train has already left the station so to speak.

Men can’t stop these new realities. Therefore, they must adapt by changing their customs and thought process regarding relationship structures and marriage. Men must confront their pre-existing notion about a position they must occupy  in relationship with women in an increasingly becoming women dominated world.

I know it is tough for men to do so. History has been on the side of men for centuries. The books ( both holy and non-holy) that men wrote to keep women in subjugated positions are starting to lose meaning. Most men are scared of the new world they are about to venture.

Perhaps, at this juncture, I suggest men should celebrate women’s new found ranks in our societies and embrace the changing economic and relationship landscape. Because to keep resisting what we know we cannot stop is living lie.
The fact that they are more girls than boys in most colleges (Rocheleau, M. (2006), Pew Research Center, (2014) and National Center for Education Statistics, (2012)  is a tale tell sign of what is yet to come.

Simply put, women will be spearheading most economic and job ranks in the near future. It’s just a fact. It may sound scary for some, but, facts must remain so.

In most society and especially here in the West, women are enjoying this new found space in their lives. And, men must start realizing that their hegemonic stronghold towards a relationship with women needs to change.

As I write this, there are a number of unmarried women in Tanzania and in the USA , for the simple reason that men are either afraid of them because of their financial freedom and/or job titles they hold. Men needs to come to term with the current economic and women empowerment realities. Otherwise, many fine women will be left out to live their lives in sex-less, relationship-less, and child-less environment. Just because they were able to gain financial freedom or higher job statuses than men. That to me is shameful. I believe strongly in the idea that men don’t have to subjugate women to be complete. I know this concept is hard to digest in a testosterone (male) dominated society.

Furthermore, the research in future marriages and income suggests that our daughters will more likely become financially independent more so than the men who will marry them. My question is: should the men who are not independently worth run away from our daughters?

I think not.

Thus, there is a need to define success, relationship structures, and marriage differently so that these societal values go along with the changing world. Again, I am not advocating for men to depend on their women. What I am saying here is this— in order for families to have a balanced family life that imparts value to children (the rounded child concept), sometimes it is necessary to have one of the parents take a more direct role in the children’s ‘ upbringing. This may lead to one of the partners losing ground in the financial aspect of the relationship. It can be the father or the mother.

Which one?  It doesn’t matter. Does it?

There is a lot of negative impacts (socially, economically, and behaviorally) associated with kids’ upbringing when both parents decide to climb the corporate ladder. The research on children development is very clear on this. Most families are starting to realize the consequences of letting kids either raise themselves or being raised by a house girl or boy. When parents take on time consuming and stressful jobs to be financially independent, brought by insecurities in their relationships, the kids suffer as a result. Thus, we must ask ourselves: what is good for us as parents and also what is generally good for our children? Whatever the answer is—that is what we must do.

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